Alex Grayson stood barefoot on a sandy beach in the exact spot where, three hours from now, he’d be getting married to the love of his life. He’d always been one to prepare for things in advance. He was never late anywhere he went, never short on groceries in the house, and he was always looking half a mile ahead to see how to best avoid traffic on the freeway. So it made sense that he was already dressed in his wedding suit, and had been for five hours. The wedding could start right now and I’d be ready. Who else in the world can say that? he thought to himself with pride as he dug his heels into the sand.

But as ready as Alex was, he couldn’t in complete honesty say that he was satisfied with everything they’d planned for the big day. A few months back, he had become increasingly unsettled, feeling more and more like something was…lacking, somehow. And it was a risk he couldn’t take. So he began toying with the idea of purchasing a second, much larger and expensive wedding ring for his bride. He envisioned placing the first ring on her finger and waiting a few moments while she swooned and the guests gawked. Then, he’d present the second ring to her in all its glorious beauty, and everyone would erupt with praise and roaring, making Alex the hero of the decade.

Given that Alex had already saved as much as he could and had brought the cash with him, one could say that his mind was made up. All that remained was to actually purchase the ring.

After a few moments of convincing himself that this was still what he wanted to do, he unburied his feet from the sand and headed toward the jeweler that had the ring on reserve. As he walked, he stuffed his hand into his pocket to make sure the wad of bills was still secure, which it was. Phew, gets me every time! he thought as he rubbed the cash between two fingers.

He increased his walk to a casual jog once the sand met the sidewalk, but he wasn’t expecting the pavement to be so agonizingly hot already. As it always seems to go, he was about seven steps onto the pavement when the pain from the heat caught up to him. He shrieked and hopped wildly back to the sand, but in doing so, the top layer of skin from the bottoms of his feet tore off and stuck to the pavement, causing him to scream even louder followed by a prolonged period of moaning. He fell to the ground and saw that although small patches of raw meat were visible, the majority of his wounds were covered in sand and cigarette butts.

Knowing that further delay would make him late for the ceremony, Alex stood and wandered the beach, enduring the anguish through it all, looking for a pair of shoes that he could use to protect his feet. He limped over to a left-footed sandal. It was faded purple and a few sizes too small, but It’ll have to do, he thought hopelessly. Nearby the sandal was an old penny loafer of the correct size, but also left-footed and ridden with holes. At least I’ll only look homeless from the ankles down.

Once shod, he pulled at his suit jacket and smirked, thinking that he still looked mighty fine overall. Little did he know that when he’d fallen in the sand to tend to his feet, he’d sat in the same spot that a flock of seagulls had been congregated a few minutes before and his backside was now covered in the white and green fluids of evacuated bird bowels.

Alex grew physically ill from the pain as he ran to the jeweler. On the way, one man flicked a quarter in his direction and shouted, “Get a job, you bum!” which caused Alex some confusion. As he painfully slowed to a halt outside the jeweler’s shop, his excitement began returning as he was reminded that he’d be getting married very shortly to the only person he’d ever been in love with. He drove his hand inside his pocket to retrieve the cash for the ring, but the pocket was empty.

No. No, no, no, no, no! he panicked internally.

He checked the other pocket, but it was also empty. He reached for his back pockets and sank his hand into the bird matter still wet on his pants. He immediately realized that he didn’t look as dapper as he thought and now knew why the Quarter Man had shouted for him to get a job. As if he wasn’t hideous enough from the back, his appearance in the front was quickly deteriorating as well, as large beads of sweat were now flowing from his body and soaking his wedding suit.

Panicking, he looked back and saw dozens of hundred dollar bills flying through the air, cartoonishly outlining the path that he’d taken. Many people were also there, jumping around trying to catch as many bills as they could. Alex began shouting at the people, but his voice was drowned out by their laughter from the fun they were having. He grimaced as he hobbled to where some of the cash was, but he got there too late. All that was left was the quarter that had been flicked in his direction from earlier, which he picked up before noticing the man leaning on a wall laughing at him maliciously.

Alex began seeing red from the anger. He took a moment to calm himself down and realign his priorities. Breathing heavily, he started reassuring himself. You’re ok. It’s not all bad. C’mon, Alex, this is still the best day of your life! And if she’s really that worth it, you’ll buy the ring anyway. So he puffed up his chest and confidently approached the jeweler.

Despite needing to finance the full cost of the ring at an absurdly high interest rate, he managed to finalize the purchase. At least I got to put twenty-five cents down! he thought, trying to make light of the horrible things that had happened to him.

Alex made haste back to the beach. As he ran, however, he was tripped by the Quarter Man, who hadn’t stopped laughing at him even while Alex was in the store. In being tripped, the strap to the sandal he was wearing snapped and the sole of the penny loafer was ripped off. Alex whined at the man, asking him why he was being so cruel.

“I know your type, you filthy pile. Always looking ahead on the freeway, doing anything it takes to avoid traffic. We were driving next to each other today, you and I. You were clearly in a hurry, and you foolishly chose to cut me off as our lanes were merging. I usually let things like that slide before it has a chance to ruin my day, but I must admit, I’m thrilled that I was able to repay the favor by cutting you off right here.”

Alex scoffed, as he had no recollection of the event. He stood and his feet immediately began cooking again. Unable to find relief without backtracking, he sprinted for the beach, leaving pieces of blackened skin in his wake. Rounding a corner, his dash was interrupted by a crowd of people who were also running; away from something, presumably.

Pain now dwindling from his leather-turned feet, he looked across the intersection and saw upwards of three hundred skunks, red-eyed and foaming and very quickly closing the gap between themselves and him. From the dozens of conversations around him, he gathered that the local animal shelter had suffered a cage malfunction, causing its entire residency to escape. Alex tried to outrun the skunks by taking a detour, and he was successful, but only after being sprayed in the face by the leader of the pack.

Though the stench was unbearable, he found that he enjoyed the taste. But at least no one has to know that, he thought.

He reached a different part of the beach because of the detour he’d taken and learned from a nearby clock tower that the ceremony would be starting in a few minutes. “I’m never going to make it in time!” he screamed and began cursing his existence.

Alex ran faster than he could remember ever running before in hopes that he wouldn’t be so late that the wedding was called off. He ran until his bride and all of the guests were within view. But just before he could begin waving and make his arrival known, he fell into a trench. And it wasn’t any ordinary hole that had been dug by some children. The grunion run had been unusually heavy this year, and the tide had already gone down, leaving the trench full of thousands of grunion left to rot in the baking sun. Alex fell completely in, becoming fully submerged in shimmering scales and rotting fish.

After a moment of confusion, Alex squirmed out of the cesspool of dead fish and continued his run toward the woman of his dreams. Everyone at the wedding turned to see who was running toward them, noticing only because of the sun’s reflection shining off of the scales that were covering Alex’s suit. Alex was filled with shame, but he knew the shame would only be a temporary resident, and he found solace in the fact that love conquers all.

Alex entered the wedding aisle panting and stinking worse than anything that can be put into words. He tried his best to compose himself by shaking thousands of scales off of his body, but an unexpected gust of wind blew them all over the audience. In an effort to not worsen the situation, he decided to ditch his initial plan of presenting the two rings in succession. Instead, he lifted the glorious second ring toward his bride, convinced that he could salvage the ceremony.

The bride batted her eyes at Alex and motioned for him to come closer. Once he was within reach, she slapped him across the face and his cheek turned a mix of dark red and light purple, like the sandal he’d once worn. The bride spit on him, then slapped him several more times. “You think you can just waltz up here smelling like vermin and fish and…” she sniffed the air, “…what is that? Steak?”

“No, not steak. My feet are charred,” Alex said sheepishly. “But my love, look what I bought you!” he brought attention to the ring in his outstretched hand.

The furious bride snatched the ring from Alex’s hand and threw it over her shoulder into the bay. “No amount of money, nor jewelry, nor anything else you give will fix what you’ve done here. The thought of you makes me sick, let alone the sight and smell of you. And in all honesty, I don’t know why I bother withholding my vomit from you!” She blew chunks all over him, and even some of the guests went out of their way to walk up to him and do the same. But it didn’t make a difference – he had hit bottom long ago.

“I loved you once, a different you. Not this…this creature,” she looked Alex up and down. “Go back to the dank hole from whence you came.”

The bride, wedding party, and all the guests cleared the area within minutes to get as far away from the creature as possible. He didn’t bother begging for anyone to stay because he knew that she was right.

After some time, he walked back to the only place that he belonged, the grunion hole. Once there, he saw the hoard of skunks in the distance, ferociously making their approach. He settled into the warmth of the rotting fish and gazed toward the setting sun as he welcomed his fate.